I was addicted to alcohol and drugs, unemployable, didn’t talk to family, and was in an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship. Hopelessly codependent, I had no identity and made all my choices based on shame and fear.

Between the ages of 4-10, I was sexually abused by my father, a violent alcoholic. He also abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, and religiously. I existed under a cloud of complex PTSD and was constantly highly dissociated. I suffered from major depression and every day wanted to die.

I started drinking at 14. Alcohol and drugs allowed me to live in my own skin under the illusion of fearlessness. After years of demoralization due to alcohol and drugs, my healing journey began 34 years ago. On May 19, 1989, I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Soon into sobriety, I was dying emotionally and spiritually because of my codependency and constant flashbacks of the sexual abuse. I knew if I didn’t get help for my trauma, I would drink again. I started therapy and taking medication for my depression. That enabled me to begin uncovering, discovering, and discarding beliefs I held and trauma responses I lived with. I also started attending Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. Talk therapy and other healing modalities helped me understand myself and face my self-hatred.

Yet, I felt I didn’t deserve to heal. My past had broken me. Trauma, fear, and shame told me I was different from others and that no one would understand or believe me, so I isolated myself. Trauma, fear, and shame told me to never discuss my feelings and thoughts, guard my secrets, and hide the abuse I endured in my childhood. Being filled with self-hatred, yet learning hope and having moments of happiness was very confusing. I didn’t trust myself and confusion became a very close friend.

After years and years of healing, I realized I have five bodies: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and Energetic. I struggle to find words to describe the revelation I discovered that day when my five bodies aligned and I began to truly breathe. I felt whole and connected to myself in a way I had never felt. Being healed was something I had to experience before I knew it was possible.

My next thought was, how can I be of service?

I knew I had recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I knew I had healed from childhood sexual abuse. In the past, I battled life and death. Healing did not exist. Healing was a concept I read in a book or an encouragement I received from a therapist. Because I truly embraced my healing, I wanted to bring healing into the lives of others as a reality, not just a concept.

This wisdom from Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous spoke to me. “Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing that makes life seem so worthwhile to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hand, the dark past is the greatest possession you have – the key to life and happiness for others. With it, you can avert death and misery for them.” Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous (pg 124)"

Today, I am a Recovery and Trauma Coach and a Craniosacral and Polarity Therapist. I focus on psychoeducation, energy and bodywork, holistic recovery, and trauma therapy. My specialties include alcoholism and addiction, codependency, trauma resolution, and inner child work.

I know what alcoholism and drug addiction can do to a person, the debilitating impact of major depression, shame, fear, and complex PTSD, how codependency can take over a life, and how childhood trauma affects adulthood. I have lived it and healed from it. I will share my experience, strength, hope, education, and healing with you. You are not alone.